


The bluest of blue

by the_milky_way



Series: Eddie Diaz Week 2021 [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck needs Eddie's help, Caring Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Comforting Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Coming Out, Competent Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz Takes Care of Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz Week 2021, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Protective Firehouse 118 Crew (9-1-1 TV), Secret Relationship, Sort Of, Worried Bobby Nash, Worried Eddie Diaz, Worried Firehouse 118 Crew (9-1-1 TV), but not graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:40:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29826480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_milky_way/pseuds/the_milky_way
Summary: The tsunami has left its mark in ways none of them ever really thought about. When Buck needs help on a call at a pool, Eddie is there for him.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Eddie Diaz Week 2021 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189010
Comments: 24
Kudos: 349
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	The bluest of blue

**Author's Note:**

> Day 3 of [Eddie Diaz Week 2021](https://eddiediazweek.tumblr.com/)
> 
> “We’re getting out of this.” + competence

It’s weird, how from one second to the other the atmosphere around a group of people can change. Like right now, from chipper and lighthearted to overwhelmingly sad and fearful. And if they hadn't been on a call Eddie thinks he might have caught on sooner, faster. But they are and he feels the change more than he actually sees anything happening. Feels Buck freeze right next to him, just a fractional step behind. 

In front of them Bobby and Chimney waltz on. Barking out directions, orders even and trying to figure out what was going on. Hen hot on their heels, already triaging, not waiting for Buck and him to catch up - never waiting when work needs to be done. They haven’t caught on yet. Buck hasn’t made a sound or drawn attention, other than Eddie’s of course. As of yet, it is a normal call to them. Eddie knows it’s not anymore. 

Dispatch had only said something about an accident at a public pool. Buck has been fine with water rescues lately, still somewhat reluctant and cautious but overall okayish. So Eddie hadn’t paid much attention to the signs of waves declaring fun and good times or the “waves paradies” printed on the lifeguard’s bright orange shirt. He’d been too busy listening to Buck ramble on about the next book he is going to read with Chris. Nothing about their arrival triggered his alarm bells. 

It took Buck stopping dead when they entered the pool area to register what kind of pool it was. What kind of pool it still is. Three wave pools in their direct line of sight, one currently shut off. The other two are happily producing wave after wave, carrying shrieking children, laughing teens and adults with them. It all looks like fun until you catch the fear in Buck’s cloudy eyes. The desperation.

Color gone from both of them, skin pale as it can be. Eddie’s heart is in his throat for a minute there, unable to swallow the panic trying to rise within him. The signs are there, loud and clear, pointing towards the fact that Buck’s not here with them any longer. 

And Eddie hopes. Hopes that Buck has only retreated so far that Eddie will still be able to reach him, pull him back. When he touches Buck’s arm, gently as not to startle him, Buck doesn’t react at all. Not a flinch. Not a twitch. Not a sound. Gaze hollow, empty, unfocused. Colorless. Eddie is scared.

He curses under his breath, takes a deep breath to regain concentration and then sets out to take action. He knows what he needs to do. He drops the med-bag from his shoulders and places it close to Hen. His focus never leaving Buck. 

“Buck?”

He doesn’t expect an answer. It still makes his heart thud painfully when none comes. He’s never seen Buck like this before. Not even right after the tsunami. And it really fucking scares him. Sure, the tsunami left its mark on all of them. But this? This sort of punches it home to Eddie that some of those leftovers will rear their heads in the most unexpected and inconvenient situations. He’d never blame Buck, though. Never. Because he knows how this works, has some of these kinds of reminders himself. Struggles to find his way out of them from time to time. And if you don’t know what your triggers are, you can’t work on making them non-triggers.

He steps closer to Buck and dares to spare a look when he’s sure that Buck’s securely in his grasp. To make sure he actually has the freedom to take care of Buck. If his help is needed Eddie needs to find a different way to keep Buck safe and out of harm's way. Plans B and C already forming in his head, he hopes he doesn’t have to resort to them.

Next to the pool that has been shut off Bobby stands talking to another lifeguard, face pinched a little but not overly worried. Eddie sees Chim kneeling next to a kid, probing what looks like a twisted ankle. Then he catches Hen wrapping a knee that looks a little more than just scraped on another teenager.

No one else seems to be in need of help right now and Eddie thanks whatever god or goddess might be listening right now for it. Bobby is too far for him to call out, so he uses the only means he has left. He silently apologizes to Buck, who’s still not reacting to anything. It's only been a few minutes but to Eddie it already feels like an eternity. He needs to get Buck out of here. So he reaches up to his radio and clicks it on.

“Cap? This Diaz.”

His eyes are glued to his captain now, sees him frown and turn towards where he has last seen them. Close to the entrance. They never made it further. Eddie watches carefully, catches the second Bobby realizes something isn’t right. He also sees Chim and Hen look up when Bobby moves his hand and goes to answer Eddie.

“What’s going on Diaz?”

Professional over the radio but eyes full of worry. He knows Bobby wants to come and help, that he can’t right now. They are still on call after all.  
“A bit of a situation here. Nothing I can’t handle, though. Just wanted to let you know that we are taking a little break. If you need back-up, you might wanna call it in. Not sure if we are much help right now.”

Eddies sees Hen’s head swivel towards them, eyes wide with concern behind her glasses and he almost smiles at the curse that is undoubtedly leaving her lips just then. Chim is next to Bobby now, apparently done with taking care of the kid. He is mustering Buck, then glances at Eddie, probably calculating if he is needed. 

Then Chim, too, takes a look around the pool area and Eddie can see, can even feel, the sigh that escapes. He can taste the guilt that’s pooling around them now. None of them, not even Buck himself, even thought about how walking into this not knowing the real set-up might have been a bad idea.

“Copy that, Diaz.”

Bobby’s voice coming through his radio startles him a little. It couldn’t have been more than a second since he relayed his message. But time seems to move differently when he’s worried about Buck as it seems. He only nods at Bobby once before he’s turned towards Buck again. Neither Bobby nor Hen or Chim try to step in, try to take over or tell him what to do. They trust him to take care of Buck, trust that he’s competent enough to do so. He feels his chest swell with the knowledge, appreciates the support.

Eddie takes in the ghostly white of Buck’s skin, the cloudish blue of his eyes, the rigid way he’s standing and takes another deep breath. He can do this. He can be there for Buck, can protect him, get him out of this situation and hopefully out of this state as well. Or you know, he’ll at least try and do his fucking best. 

Eddie doesn’t know how he is this calm when his best friend, the man he is undoubtedly, irrevocably in love with, is falling apart right next to him. But he’s always been like this under pressure. Comes across as cold-hearted sometimes but it has saved his ass more times than he can count. A level head and a resting pulse that astounded his training officer more than once are his go-tos when he needs to function. And he needs to function for Buck right now.

“Buck? Hey, can you look at me? Can you hear me? You are safe, Buck. Christopher is safe.”

There’s a twitch, just the arm Eddie is holding moving slightly. Not enough to turn him around and get him out of the building but Eddie takes it as a good sign. He continues to talk in soft tones and gentle words. Continues to tell Buck that he’s safe, that Christopher is safe, too. 

He dares to slide his hand up to Buck’s neck. Skin on skin more to reassure himself but hoping it might provide some sort of anchor for Buck as well. Another twitch, a blink. Eddie thinks they are getting somewhere. He switches tactics as little.

“I’m gonna get you out of here, alright? **We’re getting out of this.** In a minute. I promise. You are still safe. Nothing’s gonna happen. We just have to move a little. Come on. Just a few steps. Buck? Just… just listen to my voice, okay? We are getting you out of this.”

He doesn’t know how long he keeps on talking to Buck like this, keeps on reassuring him. It’s developing into a mantra. Probably a reason why he gets caught a little by surprise mid-sentence when Buck suddenly just slumps in on himself. It’s not so much a step as it is a crumbling down. Right into Eddie’s arms. 

It’s like all strings that held Buck up have been cut at the same time, releasing their old and tipping him forward. It’s unexpected and it’s not. It’s something for sure. And somehow Eddie manages to have them walking in small almost measured steps a minute or so later. He guides Buck back to the rig and gently pushes him down on the fender. There is no way he’ll attempt to get him to climb into the cabin. Not now at least.

“Buck? You with me?”

It takes Buck so long to respond that Eddie is about to just drop down next to him and wait for the others to be done. But then Buck nods. Slow, sluggish but still there. It’s all Eddie can do to suppress the sigh of relief that’s trying to slip free.

“What do you need?”

It’s a simple question but might be too much for Buck to process right now. So Eddie does take the place next to Buck on the fender and waits him out. They are pressed close now, arms and thighs with no space at all between them. He can hear how Chim would mock them, if this was a normal situation. Can imagine the eyeroll Hen would give them, the mutters about oblivious idiots. If only they knew. But that’s neither here nor there. All that matters is Buck right now.

“Talking. Helps.” Buck’s voice is rough. Like a scream is stuck in there somewhere, tears and terror. Pure fear. Eddie shudders a little.

“Me talking to you?”

Buck nods, a little more energetic this time. Turns just so that his head rests against Eddie’s shoulder, seeking comfort as well as an anchor to reality. Eddie’s happy to provide it all. And then he talks. In a hushed voice, close to Buck’s temple. Not yet pressing his lips against it but close enough. He talks about Chris’ book report. About the work to be done in the garden once he finds the time. 

He talks about the weekend plans that have yet to be finalized because someone hasn’t RSVPed to the invite yet. It earns him a low chuckle, another sign of returning life. It makes Eddie smile a little. And he lets go of some of the fear that had been pressing against his chest. He can’t even imagine what he would have done in case Buck hadn’t come out of it on his own.

“Eddie?”

Buck sounds so small that it almost breaks his heart. Eddie hasn’t heard him this insecure in ages and he curses every damn thing that has brought them here. His own indifference among them.

“Yeah?”

“That was… scary.”

“Fuck…” Because it’s all he can come up with before he pulls Buck into a much needed full body hug. Buck’s clinging to him with all the strength he has left, drained from what Eddie can only imagine to be one of the worst panic attacks ever. And it wasn’t just an attack either, it was full on retreat into his own mind.

Movement over Buck’s shoulder indicates that their team is done at the pool but is staying back to give them time. Eddie isn’t willing to let go just yet anyway. He knows they’ll wait for them to be ready before they even try to approach or say a word. What he doesn’t expect is for Buck to tilt his head to the side and steal a kiss.

It’s short and sweet. Just something to reaffirm that Buck is indeed okay now, is back with him. Not that Eddie wouldn’t have liked more of it. But there is a time for everything and no definitely isn’t the right one for this. But it does manage to calm something inside Eddie that has been on the edge until now. Reassuring him that he doesn’t need to be on high alert any longer. It also lets light flush creep up his cheeks. 

“They’re here, aren’t they?” Buck mumbles against Eddie’s neck where he let his head drop back after tempting Eddie in the sweetest way.

“Yeah. Honestly? Not the way I wanted them to find out. But the look on Chim’s face right now is sort of priceless.”

When Buck looks up at that his eyes are shining blue again. The bluest of blue Eddie loves to say when they are alone and only Buck can hear him. Right now it’s the best sight he has seen today. The clouded, fearful look is gone. Buck’s eyes, Buck’s mind are clear and present. The snort he can’t hide when he looks at their team, proves further that Buck is okay. For now.

And it is a sight to behold. Their team, standing there, staring at them. Chim’s eyes are wide, mouth open and his eyebrows have vanished into his hairline. Hen only has one eyebrow lifted and she is smiling all smug and knowing. Bobby, well Bobby doesn’t look any different at all. Small smile present and eyes alight with amusement. 

“You good, Buck?”

Buck nods at Bobby’s question. Straightens himself into a more appropriate position for a call, but stays sitting on the fender and pressed close to Eddie - needing the contact, the grounding. Not ready to be away yet.

“Better now. I’m sorry, Cap. I didn’t… know. Didn’t know it would trigger something.”

“No, Buck. It’s alright. Things like these? They happen. And we are there for each other. I took us off for the next hour. Your shift will be up by then. So go home. Get some sleep or do whatever you need to to help yourself feel better. Understood?”

Eddie watches Buck blink in surprise, sees the protest building, too. It’s so ingrained into Buck that it’s more of a reflex now, a token protest. He tightens his hold on Buck’s arm, where his hand still sits, hasn’t let go since they sat down. Curls his fingers into the fabric of Buck’s shirt, into his muscle, silently telling him it’s okay to need time off now. Telling him, he doesn’t need to claim to be fine, because his job is safe. Will be there when he’s ready again.  
And Buck listens, doesn’t tell Bobby that he’s okay and can work. Instead he looks at their captain with a grateful smile and nods.

“Okay. Thanks, Cap.”

“Get him home, Diaz. You are off, too. Let’s roll.”

Any further argument or questioning is halted by the way Bobby makes the last part a command. It has Chim and Hen moving instantly. The gaping and the smug smirk haven’t vanished though and Eddie is dreading the ride back to the station. 

When he looks at Buck again he finds blue eyes already trained on him. Buck’s not really smiling but he doesn’t look as pale and afraid as he did some minutes ago. 

“I… trust you.”

It’s not what he expected. But it makes his heart thud, his pulse roar and his hand holding on even tighter. It’s everything to Eddie. These words. Buck trusts him with his life, with his heart even and he trusts Eddie to be there and get him out of any kind of situation. 

_I trust you_ sounds so much like _I love you_ that Eddie takes it and runs with it. Because it’s true.

“I trust you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I dreamed of a wave pool a few nights ago. It's been ages since I saw one. And somehow that turned into me giving Buck a hell of a time... and not on a good way. I'm sorry, Buck. And I also might have been projecting my own special brand of attacks on him. Sorry again.
> 
> <3  
> A.  
> As always, all remaining mistakes are of course mine.


End file.
